One of my friends left the BBC today so I should be enjoying a glass of bubbly at his leaving party, instead I’m sat in bed sulking and feeling pretty miserable. I’m back in the same hospital and the same ward as I was 18 months ago when I was fighting cancer.
..Oh my god, the guy on whatever BBC antiques programme that’s currently on TV at the moment looks like Vladimir Putin. Poor bugger…
Anyway.. I’m in because I’ve been hit down with a nasty infection which my doctors believe have caused a multitude of other issues.. Think ‘buy one, get one free’. I have renal infections so we’re talking kidney and bladder here. I also have a low haemoglobin count which meant I’ve had nasty headaches and constant tiredness, I also have e-coil and cloudy vision in both eyes. All the above has caused nasty temperature spikes as well and the inability for me to sleep very much. My symptoms started over a week ago but has really ramped up over the last few days. At the moment, I’m on a 24/7 fluid trip and twice daily IV antibiotic drip.
Feeling quite miserable and extremely tired. Today I woke up with a very sore neck, shoulders and back due to the uncomfortable bed. My sleep was broken up with trips to the toilet as I have constant fluid being pumped into me and at 3am I was woken up to go for a CT scan of my brain and head. I’m also bored still and desperately hoping I can go home soon but I have a feeling I’m here for a few more days.
When I was admitted, I was absolutely distraught. I’ve managed to stay out of hospital for nearly 18 months and hearing the news depressed me. When I got to the ward, it felt like a nightmare. I remember every single thing about the ward – the sights and clinical smells brought everything I felt when I was in here in 2012 and 2013 back. It was like having horrific flashbacks. I have an amazing view from my room, I can see The Shard, the London Eye, St Paul’s Cathedral etc but this view has haunted me ever since I got here. Over 18 months ago I was desperately ill, unable to leave my room and stared at that view – I felt like that person all over again.
As as the nurses here are great and the facilities are world class, it’s a place that’s full of ghosts. It made me realised how much my time here still torments me.
So please send me good thoughts and pray I’m allowed home soon.